BAD BITCH ALERT: Adele No Longer Content Snatching Wigs, Moves Onto Food

For over a year now, the music industry has seen a meteoric rise in the popularity of a certain musician. Without a doubt, Adele has established herself as a powerful fixture in music and pop culture through the monumental success of her sophomore album, 21. Even after remaining relatively low, Adele has managed to decimate every other musician in album sales this year (it’s not even close, really) and pretty much increased the music industry’s revenue on her own last year. This boss bitch is snatching up wigs like it’s her hobby and even though she’s recently announced that she’s pregnant, there seems to be no stopping her.

As if most of the bitches in the game didn’t have enough reason to fear her by now, colored wig enthusiast and the pop industry’s candy-coated sellout Katy Perry just revealed a startling new anecdote that has stricken fear into not only my own heart, but into many other musicians in the industry now. According to Katy Perry, Adele had enough time in her schedule between her Duffy scalping and her weekly urination session on the Billboard offices (a ritual done by Adele herself to ensure that everyone knows who runs Billboard) to catch a Katy Perry show. After going backstage to meet Katy Perry and I’m assuming to ask her who the hell let her on stage, they had a very frightening exchange once Adele noticed what Katy Perry was munching on.

“She was like ‘a burrito – where’d you get that burrito in England, where did you get Mexican food’, and she took it.”

What happened between Katy and Adele is not to be taken lightly. This goes far beyond any fat joke or wig-snatching, this is some REAL SHIT. It is a story of Adele denying another musician her sustenance, her life support, her feeding tube, if you will. Adele isn’t just content snatching your wig, she’s willing to come to your own show and take your food from you, even if you just finished entertaining her with blowjob-pained throaty vocals and manufactured hits. Adele is taking full advantage of her boss bitch status and will not only snatch a cheap wig off your head, but she’ll take your dinner and snacks as well.


So what’s left for musicians to do in these threatening times? I can’t come up with any viable solution myself, other than telling musicians to stay the fuck out of her way, cause homegirl’s got them pregnancy cravings coming on now.