On the 2nd anniversary of Christina Aguilera’s Bionic.

In every pop musician’s career, there is a defining point that completely changes the magnitude of that musician’s entire persona and influence on the pop game. For artists like Britney Spears and Beyoncé, these moments have catapulted them into a domain of stardom unlike any other. Britney’s moment came in the form of a sex romp party that she titled I’m a Slave 4 U. Beyoncé’s came in the form of boisterous trumpet fanfare and a killer runway strut in Crazy in Love. Unfortunately for Christina Aguilera, this moment came in the form of what is the most infamous misstep in contemporary pop history, Bionic.

Today marks the second anniversary of Bionic, an album released by Christina Aguilera after a four year hiatus. While critical reviews and sales may not indicate it, this album is by far one of the most important moments of any pop star’s history. This album singlehandedly changed the direction of music, not by directing artists in the right direction, but by demonstrating to other artists what the WRONG direction was. Like a totaled car in the middle of the road, Bionic flopped destructively so that other artists could flourish.

No other artist’s complete and utter failure has been as important as Aguilera’s. While other albums flop and fall off the radar every other day, Bionic remains a reminder of how vulnerable musicians become when they let their ego get the best of them. All that Aguilera had to do was act like a total bitch throughout its promotion, shade other artists, and release one of the worst lead singles ever, and she sabotaged her own success. Its catastrophic failure is impossible to ignore, as the album has yet to go gold yet (two years after its release) and Aguilera’s first tour since 2006 was canceled shortly after it was announced. It not only debuted at #3 before falling off the charts, it debuted behind a Glee compilation soundtrack and a Twilight movie soundtrack.


At the heart of this massive failure are Christina Aguilera’s fans, which hail from all over the world (mostly in Southern American inner cities with no television sets and a complete lack of taste). These fans have made up for their inability to purchase Bionic through their astonishing ability to ignore how monumental of a failure this album was for their idol. To this day, there are Christina Aguilera fanatics patiently waiting for Aguilera to announce the postponement date for the Bionic tour while crediting their idol for the successes of things like Moves Like Jagger or The Voice. This level of delusion is simply heartwarming, poignant, and perhaps somewhat alarming to the rest of us.

With all of that being said, let us celebrate today as the day that one of the pop industry’s biggest failures began to snowball. With Bionic, Christina Aguilera unknowingly became the martyr of the pop industry and gave us all something to eternally laugh at. While we could only wonder if Aguilera learns from her mistakes and makes a proper comeback someday, it’s hard to say whether or not Bionic may play a part in her possible failures through the rest of her career.